saoirse awakens slowly

saoirse awakens slowly
she senses light again
but not much, she feels like
she has to swim to remain conscious
or at least, tread water
for she thinks herself
a lazy swimmer, stretching
she moves her feet
from out the duvet
curling her toes
in the relative cold

“squiggly lines”
— she thinks —
“lazy bearded long haired hippy
but clean
for ever bathing
yet with knees as rough
as camels”

she is drifting, and dreams
that she’s surrounded by a bubble
which in turn, is submerged
glumped down by the fathoms
of a land locked viscous sea

forms float by

the spherical wall, translucent
wobbles when bumped in to
and shivers, as smaller objects
glance of its outer surface

it contains a number of lights

“or are they on the outside”

she counts them

“one directly above
three evenly spaced
on, or just below
the typical topic of cancer
a matching three
diametrically opposed in capricorn
and the last one, right on the bottom
eight, wait, woh”

she experiences gravity and vertigo
she tumbles, falls like a pebble
at first, and then like a flutterby drawn
to the glow beneath, yet the sphere drops also
keeps pace with her, and she gets no closer
to its surface

“it’s an illusion”

she closes her eyes

her shivering and dizziness stop

there is light again
this time, a red haze inside her lids
warmth, a breeze, a breath
relaxing, she arches
pushing her arms high
leans back, and peeps through
her lashes,

“the sun, the moon
venus and mars, my
what a full sky”

she sticks her tongue out
there is a jolt
and the heavens shake
it happens again, they’re open
her chair rocks with her
or rather rasps, as if
it is being sawn, felled down
at it roots, by some invisible
carpenter, prying her seat free
so that she becomes the prey
of both he and the walrus
back, forth, tooth and tusk
left, right, sinister, dexterous

“jodie foster”

“what about her”

“other than you
i think i’d like to
sleep with her”


“er, oh well
may be not”

“no, you’ve said it now”

“no, i didn’t mean that
i still rate her
i just meant, er …
i just meant, well
i’m still thinking about it

“thinking about what”

“can’t you remember
you ask me once
other than you
who would i like to
sleep with”


“can’t you
when i ask you
you said that bloke off of
oh, what’s that action movie you like
always on the goggle box at christmas
you know, what’s his face
short hair, him i always say
i’ll look like when i grow up”

“oh, now i remember, monster
but i didn’t want to sleep with him
i just said i kinda fancied him
i thought he was hot, and in any case
when i ask you, who you fancied other than me
you refused point blank to answer, and just said
throw the dice”

“well, it was your turn”

“i know, but you could have
answered me”

“i did”

“no you did not”

“no i mean, i just have
jodie foster, and as i said

i’m still thinking about it”

“you’re infuriating”

“i think some times, i can be
but do you know this
fancy versus sleeping with thing
they’re not mutually opposed you know
and they both have been known
to drift quite logically
to all the joys
of semi lubricated friction
to put it politely”


“sorry love, but i think i’m right
on this one”

“no, i don’t mean that
i mean, do you really fancy
jodie foster, her off of bugsy malone”

“i’ve never seen it
but i think that’s
the lass i was thinking of
her in freaky friday
where she’s bit like peppermint patty
and that new one, where she’s listening
for a sign, through multiple satellite lenses
contact, we watched it, i think she’s hot in that”

“do you think so, really
i fell asleep, i thought she
well, i thought she
just looked like herself
i liked the bloke though”

“well you would, wouldn’t you
and she did, didn’t she
look like herself
but she was being a scientist
and i think, it was that bit
that got me started,
and her obsessive nature, you know
like some folk have been known
to fall for nurses, occasionally
and other dress up clothes”

“watch it buster”

“i did, while you were sleeping
bits anyway, i was watching your bum also
as i remember
well, when i say watching
it was more like
er, patting”

“that’s nice
looking at her
and playing with my bum
how do you think
that makes me feel”

“subconsciously fancied
and, it wasn’t like that
i only put the film on
because i thought you might like it
i was reading mainly, with my free hand”

“thanks for the reminder
i don’t know you’re smiling
your words are enough
to keep you cuffed”

saoirse jumps with the sound
of a sharp noise, there is light again
and, something’s been dropped
in the room that she’s in, it bounces
bluntly, falls then spins

“whoops, what was that
it’s dark in here
even with a light on
clumsy old me
aren’t you awake yet
sleepy head”

she sits up quickly on the bed
keeping herself covered

“what are you doing here”
— she asks —

“coffee, i’m making coffee
do you want some”

saoirse doesn’t speak
but stares first at the figure
and then around, at her possessions

“i’m gagging for one
i’ll make enough for two
if you should want some”

the figure disappears
in to an adjoining utility room
switching on yet another light
that cast shadows back
in her direction

— she calls —
“i would like
a coffee”

“how do you take it”

“don’t you know
i thought you were a detective”

the figure laughs, stops
and calls —

“no, i haven’t seen you in a while
but i’ll take a guess
there can only be
so many possibilities
i’d say you usually have it
with either one, or more

“leave it black”
— replies saoirse
empty of humour —
“i’ll be through in a minute
i need to squirt bad”

she stands, picks up her bag
and goes to the jacks, perching above
its cold plastic seat, she urinates

returning, she dons a dressing gown
fetches her drink, seasons it
and sits back on the edge
of the bed, putting the mug on the floor
between her feet, it warms her soles
before the interrogation begins:

“how are you feeling”

“why do you ask”

“i’m concerned”

“save it”

“it’s my job
to be concerned”

“how am i feeling,
well i’ll tell you if you wish
and as politely as i presently
feel able:
stick your fucking job”

the other shakes their head
and replies —

“what’s wrong saoirse
where are you”

“here, i am here
but i have a very different perspective
than you, and i view this
to be a particularly pointless meeting”


“yes, pointless
we have no common ground …”

“here, look at this”
— in time, starts the other
holding a match box
captain webb shaped
between thumb and forefinger
then bending, stands it up straight
on a table at the bed side
as if to attention, then states —
“this is a box, watch
if i push it slowly
at its centre, with the point
of my finger, it moves yes
and i’m moving it, yes
but, if i flick it at its top
like this, it topples flat
to make its centre’s lower”

“so what”

“so, do you think
you could do that”

“yes of course”

“so do you agree with me
that not only can it be done
but also, that we can both do it”


“well then,
we share that common perspective”

“no, it is not like that
you talk of possibilities

saoirse produces a die
and throws it at the floor between them
it bounces, tumbles, and comes to rest
in static equilibrium

“how many did i score”
— she asks —

— comes the reply —

“no, i scored a seven”

“i don’t get you
are you counting
both the top and the bottom”

saoirse stares at the die
and states —

“no, but wouldn’t that
just be dandy ..”

and then turning her stare
towards the face of the other

“but no, i can’t see the bottom
from here, can you”


“no, but you know what
the bottom must look like
don’t you, just like i know
you can see three sides
and their numbers when added make fifteen
but i see a different three faces from you
and my score is seven”

“oh, i get you
what game is this”

“it is not a game
it is my perspective”

“and, from your perspective
you scored a seven
and i scored fifteen”

“no, i did not say that
you didn’t score anything at all
you didn’t throw the dice”

saoirse leans forward
and reaches for the die again
then stops —

“no, you pick it up ..”

the other obeys

“.. feel at it, look
it’s got eight corners, count them
eight places where three faces meet
eight points of view, so to speak

you have a go now
try and shake an eight”

the other,
rotates it, looks at it
spins it many times
and in time replies —

“it’s not possible”

“yes, i know
somethings aren’t
that is my perspective also”

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